It is Crazy Here

I want to start by saying why I put the word verification back on my comment page.  I got 30 or more spam comments a day and it became too much.  I know that my friends and potential friends do not like the verification but I had no choice.  Even without your comments, I know you are there.

This is a quick note to let you know what is going on here in NY.  There are so many claims that the company has hired Lots of independent adjusters and moved staff claim reps from other assignments around the country.  Hotels are at a premium so unless you work for a company like I do that has the resources and manpower to obtain hotel rooms,  you are in trouble.

Confession Time....I admitted something to myself today. I have always been good at defusing angry people or helping undecided people make decisions.  My first real job while in college was with Dreyfus Mutual funds.  I started on the floor and got moved to new product development after my graduation from college. Our phone calls were randomly monitored, one day  I was asked if I did not mind having my conversations taped for training purposes.  I did not think that I was very good but if they wanted to do it...  I was also asked to be part of the recruitment team.  The reason I was given was that I had a way of taking what people were really passionate about even though it had nothing to do with the product and making them believe so much in me that I could sell them the Brooklyn Bridge.  It sounded crazy but I was getting paid and promoted quickly.

When I started working at my current job, I guess the ability followed me and I use it on  angry insureds.  We are constantly reinspected on this job, on my last assignment when I came into the feedback session it was full of manager's, I was told they had no finding but   the group wanted to know  what I do to deny a claim because the insured's spent more time wanting to talk about me than  the denial and no one was angry, disappointed but not angry.  I told them the best I could what I did  since I do not know but  that it takes me longer to deny a claim than to pay one.  I have to get the insured to believe in me and once  that is done the denial is easy.

Two things happened today  that recalled all this.  ....

My first appointment was with a lady that told me her best friend had died that morning and she had been told the night before that her husband of 60 years only had a few days to live.   When I had initially talked to her she was angry because she knew she had all this damage to her roof and damage inside but  she would not get a new roof.   I did my inspection while she cried on the phone to someone.  There was no damage to her roof and she had minor damage inside.  I do not ever remember doing it but I found myself consoling her and getting her to talk about what a wonderful life she had with her husband, putting my arms around her to let her cry and somehow maneuvering the conversation where I wanted it.  I told her that she needed to go to her daughter's when I left because she should not be alone and even threw in how worried I would be about her all day. When I left she thanked me  for looking at her roof and interior.  Did I feel anything the entire time....NO. I just said and did what I had to do to get the results I wanted.   That sounds so cold but I realized that I felt nothing.

I left that appointment for one I dreaded because on the phone he was angry that he had been told he had no coverage for his trees, and he had to get his electronics looked at by a professional.  I got out of the car and he started.  I find that I am very quiet during these situation and something in me starts looking for something I can latch on so I can take control.  During his tantrum  he mentioned how old he would be in January ...that was all the opening I needed, my birthday was in January and we were the same age.  It helped that as it turned out we were born the same day.   Needless to say, my appointment that should have been 45 minutes tops took three hours.  I had a difficult time trying to stir the conversation back and paying him for what I could.  I looked at trophies, picture albums (he was a handsome man in his youth), had his special coffee brew, got invited to dinner, talked about religion, the philosophy of life, our children and the list kept growing.    He tried every thing he could to keep me there.  The denial was made through all this but he acted as if he did not care.

I realized as I was going to the office that I am snake oil salesman on stage.  I will say anything to get the results I want.  I do not feel anything,  I just do it.  No, it does not work every time but 9 times out of 10 it does.  I seem to do the same thing in a way with people I call friend. I am not really myself, I am what they want me to be.  The real me wants to just go somewhere and hide.  Don't let anyone get to close to hurt me in  word or deed .  If I laugh a lot, then no one bothers to look inside.  Was what I did today fair to these people?  I left them believing in someone that was not real.   I am true to my children, maybe because I know they will accept me with all my faults and never judge me, they just love me unconditionally.

As you can see, I am down on me today. I was really upset after I realized  what I have become. I am pretty sure what caused it but I am not sure when it took over my life.  I am hoping that once I retire and I meet  new people, I can start to trust and be myself what ever myself is. I am looking forward to meeting the real Louise. Recently, I told an RVer that I wanted to buy a copy of the children's book his wife had written for a Christmas present.  I learned that he shipped it before my check arrived. I sent  him a note thanking him for trusting me,  he wrote back.....trust  is a good thing.

Back to not sleeping....I hate taking sleep aides but I can not function on a couple hours sleep every night.

On a happy note,179 days ,15 hours, 48 minutes, 23 seconds until.......................